Any marriage will go through trying times. Over the years, you and your partner will experience many ups and downs. While you want to focus on the positives in your marriage, sometimes the negatives can become overwhelming.
When the negatives begin to pile up in a relationship, you may start to feel contempt for your partner. It’s hard to bounce back from such harsh feelings — which is why contempt often leads to divorce. Fortunately, your relationship isn’t inherently doomed, and there are plenty of ways to fight back and survive even the most trying hardships.
Communicate with Clarity
It’s no secret that communication is crucial for any relationship. Whether you just started dating or have been married for decades, clear communication is essential. When we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to start slacking. You may begin to find it unnecessary to share every last purchase, night out with friends, or late work night with your colleague.
When you start omitting these details, however, it can lead to mistrust. Over time, mistrust can develop into contempt, and that’s the last thing you want. Remember to prioritize communication, even when it seems unnecessary. You and your partner will both appreciate and benefit from transparency in the long run.
Make Time for One Another
When you live with someone, it’s easy to slack on spending time together. After all, you and your partner spend lots of time together, especially during a pandemic: you eat dinner, watch TV, and sleep in the same bed every night. But are you really spending time together, or are you just going through daily motions together?
To keep your relationship happy and healthy, you have to put in the extra effort. Plan out a special date night in, picnic at the park, or weekend camping trip...get creative! Make time to talk and enjoy each other’s company — don’t just go through the motions. Monotony can be comforting, but too much can feel increasingly dull and possibly lead to contempt.
Don’t Ignore the Problems
Every relationship will have issues sometimes. No relationship is perfect or without disagreement, so don’t panic when they happen in your relationship. This is just a sign of continuous and ever present change as part of every life. When your partner does something that upsets you, don’t ignore the issue. Also, don’t assume that it was a one-off thing or that talking about it won’t change anything. When you let problems pile on, you will quickly feel contempt for your partner.
It isn’t fair for either of you to have a relationship with unspoken grievances. When something bothers you, speak up. Talk about it. Encourage your partner to do the same. We’re not perfect, and we all mess up in our relationships sometimes. There are ways to overcome and grow from your marital issues, but not if you never address them.
Avoid Stagnancy
A committed relationship is the ultimate comfort for many people. You should embrace the comfort of your marriage and all of the little routines that get you through the day. However, don’t confuse stagnancy for comfort. If you’re working towards goals, don’t settle for anything less. As we get more comfortable in our lives, it’s easy to stop working towards something else.
Why would you need to when your life is good the way it is? Over time, however, you may begin to resent yourself or your partner. You don’t have to sacrifice your goals for the sake of your relationship. Strive to find a balance of comfort in your relationship without becoming stagnant or unmotivated.
See a Couples Counselor
Marriage is hard. You’ve likely heard people say it before, and it’s true. A marriage takes active work to keep alive, and when contempt creeps in, it’s hard to bounce back from it. Couples counseling can help your relationship stay alive and become even stronger.
Whether you want to take preventative action or you’ve reached the point of contempt, counseling is the best option to work through your marriage’s issues. There is no shame in admitting that your relationship needs help. Take the first step and see a couples counselor to ensure that contempt never finds a permanent place in your relationship.
Contact Sylvia Beligotti, MA, LMFT at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin to get started with marriage counseling today. Complete the Scheduling Form on our website, or call (512) 270-4883 for your free consultation.
To learn more, click here: Marriage Counseling.